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Are you great at giving love advice? Have you been known to give relationship advice to your family members or friends? Do you wish to share marriage advice, or advice on breaking up? Or perhaps you have a love story to share with others to give more hope that love exists and is out there?
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Wednesday, October 14, 2009 - 9:15 AM
Are you currently still in a relationship that you are debating leaving? Do you keep telling yourself over and over again, the words "One more time, and I'm done", only to find that you still aren't done as you proclaimed to yourself? Are you still in love and in denial to yourself? Or are you afraid of starting over again?
I'm sure that if you're reading this, you either have been down this road before, still are going down this road, or know someone that is in this predicament. There has to be a point in time when enough is enough. You have to ask yourself, is it really worth the continued heartache? Is it worth the frustration that has brought you to debate breaking up to begin with? What's holding you back from ending the relationship? Be real with yourself. You can get advice over and over again from people, including reading this article, but if you are not ready within yourself, you'll always remain. You have to build up the courage and strength within to say to yourself, "I AM tired, and I'm going to end it now", and then proceed with the action. Don't proclaim your liberation verbally but not follow up with it.
First and foremost, you have to analyze the situation and assess what you really want out of the relationship, and what you really feel for the person. Ask yourself these questions:
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Am I still in love with this person? Be honest with yourself, and tell yourself if the things that made you fall in love with the person to begin with are still there. Make sure that if you are wanting to stay or try to work it out, that you are not doing it only because you are afraid of moving on, but because you truly love the person and are wanting to come to terms to save the relationship.
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Why do I want to end this relationship? Make sure that the reasons that you want to end the relationship are truly valid reasons. Things like lack of communication, lack of your partner giving you any attention at all, or especially abuse of any kind are strong points for ending a relationship. However, things like "he leaves the toilet seat up", or "she doesn't squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom of the tube" are too trivial and you may have to question yourself of being too petty or picky.
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Are there ground rules set in place for each of you? Most of the times, we tend to give in a little to certain things we know for a fact we want out of our partner, and as time passes, we give in more and more until it's to a point where we wonder where we let it go to begin with. For example, if you are a person who values communication, and your partner doesn't want to talk to you about anything, the relationship should probably have ended long ago instead of you giving in and accepting their unwillingness to communicate. By doing this, you have allowed your partner to accustom themselves to what you allowed, and now you may contemplate breaking up with that person even though they are who they were when you met and started dating. If however, things changed, then opening up communication before jumping towards a break up, and laying certain ground rules with each other may salvage the relationship instead of having to end it.
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Am I truly ready to break up? When you feel it in your heart, you will know. When you have truly become tired of dealing with the frustration, heartache, or problems of the relationship, or the constant stalemate of it going anywhere, you'll know. However, be sure that when you break up, that it is because you are truly ready to. Most of us tend to fall into the typical "I miss them now... let me call them. Maybe we can work it out" or something similar to that, after breaking up. However, this is neither healthy for you, for the other person, or the relationship itself. The "break up, make up" action only prolongs the pains and frustrations. Working things out with someone after time has truly passed is okay, if both of you have had time to sort things out and realize things. But breaking up and making up a few days later is only prolonging the obvious.
With those four major questions above, ask them to yourself over and over again. If needed, take some time to yourself, and write down on a piece of paper, the things that you enjoy about your partner, and the things that really bother you. Give each item a rating of 1-3, with one being the worst, and three being the best. After you write the good things you enjoy and the bad things that bother you, tally up the points and see what you come up with. Things like "leaves the toilet seat up" would more than likely fall as a 1, though some of you may feel that is one of the worst qualities about this person. Or, if you feel yourself giving "threes" to almost everything on the list, then that may answer to yourself that you are ready for breaking up.
Finally, just remember as above, when you are ready to break up, make sure that you are truly ready to break up. Remember the things on the paper that you write that are bothersome to you, and use that as a guideline to what you'll address when you finally do break up with your partner. And above all, break up with the person face to face, or if not possible, break up with them by talking to them on the phone. Don't use email or text message as a way out. You wouldn't want someone to break up with you in that manner, so at least give yourself the respect by breaking up the proper way. Hope this article helps you along the way. Be firm, be prepared, and above all, be true to yourself.
Written by German Lopez
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